That means you love me. Right?

Oh Korean students. Anyone who has talked to me about teaching over here has probably heard a tale or two about the not so sweet comments the innocent little angels make to their strangely different looking English teachers.  
"Teacher has baby?" the little doe eyed girl asks. I'm baffled, a baby?
"What baby?" I respond.
"Teacher has baby?" she asks again. This time while pointing to my stomach.
What to say... "No. No baby."
"Oh," she says confused.
"Why teacher is fat. No baby."

The bluntness is always amusing.
On a daily basis I am asked:  "Is your hair real?" I tell them its a wig and wait for them to get the sarcasm
"Your face is surgery?"  No, foreigners have faces like this without surgery.
"Your eyes are real?"  Really? I know they're referring to the color, but I can't help but laugh.
"When you were born, your hair was this?"  
"You diet?" "Maybe you should small diet, then you meet husband, have babies"
"TEEEEAAACHERRRRR" its a shriek that only Korean children can do.

Sometimes they're nice. Quite often they're nice.

Today I had the class that always makes me laugh. They're not good but at least they're amusing and they really like to use their English speaking skills. Endlessly.
Creative writing is something that most classes HATE. This class had a blast. Below are a few of the wonderful essays I received for the "The Best Field Trip/ Weekend EVER!"

Where would you go? I go to the Dark Land, Magic Land, Kung-Pu Panda.
Who would you be with? My soldier, my Kung-Pu Panda
What would you do there? World Occupation.
* he drew a nice little picture of his attack plan- how sweet.

I want to go zoo with my family. I want to see white tiger and dragon. We will drive in my dad's car. i will eat hamburger, grape juice, and steak. I will buy a Nintendo, house, Korea. The weather is sunny. The end.

I'm going to Lauren Teacher's house. Only Lauren Teacher and me. I will break TV, book, bed, bag, and window. I will get a tiger. Lauren Teacher and me drink soju and eat person. and we are going hiking in the rain and storm. We are killed Lauren Teacher and start my birthday eat Lauren cake.
* I believe this child is slightly disturbed. She proudly read her story to the class. She loves me right?
All of her sentences today were about how Lauren Teacher kills people- it made me late for class, happy, and a variety of other vocabulary words.

I'm going to Lauren Teacher's house. I will be with Lauren Teacher. I would you Lauren Teacher and me game. I would get you rocket. I would eat steak and orange juice. I would buy something shopping Lauren Teacher dresses. Weather is very sunny. The end.
* Apparently the best weekend ever is going to my house-I got two other essays along this line.

I"m going to hell the hell lion and me! Play and see zombie. Building down, go to hell. Meat and water and salt. Hell lion dolls. Weather is very rainy.
*I've heard several stories about this hell lion and a hell rabbit. In today's sentences, I was excited because all of the hell animals did a circus for me. Why am I in hell?

Of course there were plenty of "normal" essays about going to an amusement park or museum. Totally not creative :) One student said they wanted to buy a pencil (WHOA, dream big!). These were the ones that made me smile. Hope they amused you too!

                               

What sound does a worm make?

What sound does a worm make?  Yesterday, I learned the answer to that question.

It screams. High-pitched, small child voice screams. At the absolute top of its lungs. Now multiply that times 11, because that’s how many children I inadvertently caused to make such a noise.   

I had a little bit of time to kill in my Kindergarten class. It’s our “fun day” and the schedule says class activities. They kept requesting to  play “The thumb game” which is Heads up 7-up for those of you who may know it….but yeah they only like the game because they refuse to play correctly and it ends up being unrestrained chaos. I try to keep the chaos to a minimum if I can help it. 

Obviously, that doesn’t always happen.

So I went with Simon says….ultimate teacher that I am ;)   I know it’s a great vocabulary exercise for them AND I get to dictate what they do.  

So we go through the usual touch this part, touch that part, jump this many times, turn around, blah, blah, blah. I’m out of ideas. Dangerous; even a second of down time equals running around the room in circles OR even worse, the lets attach ourselves to the teacher’s legs and try to climb up her torso competition.  

Yes, that happens daily.  

And I can see them inching closer to me, vying for the best climbing position.  

Animal noises! Yes, we can do animal noises!  Make the noise of a lion!   Roars erupt.  I get clawed by one sneaky one, not sure who but that really hurt...ok something more tame. Dog! Make the noise of a dog! Yes, no scratching! Success!  Ok, now they’re really loud….and getting closer….danger! What’s something quiet?   ummmmmm   WORM! Make the sound of a worm!  I don’t know where the hell I got worm from but I was hoping for at least some confusion. 

No such luck.

Instantly, I got 11 SCREAMING children.   WTF??!?!   Worms scream??? Really???  How do I make this stop?  No really, make this stop!  WHY ARE THEY SCREAMING?!? 

It was so loud that two other teachers come rushing to make sure everything is ok. The distraction of another teacher entering the room gets a few of them to stop. 

But then they start again. Of course, because their friends are still making the loud noise and it got an awesome response from the teacher!

So, apparently worms scream. As soon as they stopped, I collapsed in a fit of laughter to the point of tears. And the kids get to attach themselves to my legs, arms, and anything else they can grab.   

They win again.   Worms scream. 

Mental note: Never making that mistake again.