You really do love me?

Kids say the darndest things.
Part two of "That means you love me. Right?"

My favorite class is middle-schoolers. I NEVER thought I'd say that. They're fun, we joke, we say inappropriate things and we tease each other. I try to treat them like adults and in return they go along with the class plan. Today one of my two favorite students-whom I can't tell apart unless they're standing next to each other- said something that made me laugh.
"Teacher, you're face is fun."
At this I was a bit uncertain-Korean students often misuse fun as funny and vice-verse.
"My face is fun?!"
"Yes, teacher is always happy."
Brown-nosing is common, but I taught this class the term "bullshit" and we use it freely to call out brown-nosers. I have to admit, in this class I really am always happy. They make me laugh and make everything worth while. I know I'm not meant to teach little kids, but I do my best. To end my day with this group makes the whole day right. I can't help but smile when they call my bullshit to "Guess what? Today is a fun class, it starts on page 36!"

So I've been getting quite a bit of the "teacher has a baby?" thing lately from one particular student. She's 13 in a class with all younger students. I really do like her and I understand her need for attention. I made sure to giver her plenty of attention and respect her as the oldest in the class (a huge thing in Korea). We've developed a nice little teacher/student friendship, but lately she's decided to start joking with me. At first I didn't care and just played with her. When she asked about my "baby" I told her I was at 3 months. We both laughed and it became a joke. This is the same student who is trying to hook me up with her 40 year old uncle. Today she took it one step too far and called teacher a pig in Korean during class. I gave her the not okay look and planned to handle it after class. That was until the boys in the class caught wind of what she had said and came to my defense. For children to speak to an elder (no matter the size of age difference) reproachfully is not a laughing matter here. The fact that the four boys in the class came to my defense in such a way that rendered her ashamed and speechless (no small task for a 13 year old girl) was beyond my imagination.  This is a class that I battle with every day. They're young and they're loud and I spend far too much time controlling the class, not enough teaching, and next to nothing bonding. Today was a surprising turn of events. Maybe they do like me? Maybe I'm not actually fat?

All in all today was a good day. I suppose it was amazing in comparison to last year as a whole. Today was game day. Each Friday has a theme and the first Friday of the month is game day for my classes. I chose BINGO using the vocabulary from the books (it's the end of the month so a great way to review the just finished books before moving on to the next. AND to look extremely diligent)
Every class responded with my ever NOT favorite response of "jamie-ubsuh" which means not fun/interesting-boring. However, once the games commenced I was so happy to see them get excited and competitive. All played, none refused. I actually got to be a fun teacher. I need to relax, but I'm still figuring out how to do that without losing my authority-a thing that I'm barely grasping at this point.
"Teacher your face is fun." will reign in my happy thoughts for the weekend until Monday comes and spoils the sunshine. Even if work is easy, if it's not what you love doing it will always be work. I know I'm lucky, my work enables me the luxury of living abroad and does grant me so many laughing moments with these amazing creatures I call my students!

That means you love me. Right?

Oh Korean students. Anyone who has talked to me about teaching over here has probably heard a tale or two about the not so sweet comments the innocent little angels make to their strangely different looking English teachers.  
"Teacher has baby?" the little doe eyed girl asks. I'm baffled, a baby?
"What baby?" I respond.
"Teacher has baby?" she asks again. This time while pointing to my stomach.
What to say... "No. No baby."
"Oh," she says confused.
"Why teacher is fat. No baby."

The bluntness is always amusing.
On a daily basis I am asked:  "Is your hair real?" I tell them its a wig and wait for them to get the sarcasm
"Your face is surgery?"  No, foreigners have faces like this without surgery.
"Your eyes are real?"  Really? I know they're referring to the color, but I can't help but laugh.
"When you were born, your hair was this?"  
"You diet?" "Maybe you should small diet, then you meet husband, have babies"
"TEEEEAAACHERRRRR" its a shriek that only Korean children can do.

Sometimes they're nice. Quite often they're nice.

Today I had the class that always makes me laugh. They're not good but at least they're amusing and they really like to use their English speaking skills. Endlessly.
Creative writing is something that most classes HATE. This class had a blast. Below are a few of the wonderful essays I received for the "The Best Field Trip/ Weekend EVER!"

Where would you go? I go to the Dark Land, Magic Land, Kung-Pu Panda.
Who would you be with? My soldier, my Kung-Pu Panda
What would you do there? World Occupation.
* he drew a nice little picture of his attack plan- how sweet.

I want to go zoo with my family. I want to see white tiger and dragon. We will drive in my dad's car. i will eat hamburger, grape juice, and steak. I will buy a Nintendo, house, Korea. The weather is sunny. The end.

I'm going to Lauren Teacher's house. Only Lauren Teacher and me. I will break TV, book, bed, bag, and window. I will get a tiger. Lauren Teacher and me drink soju and eat person. and we are going hiking in the rain and storm. We are killed Lauren Teacher and start my birthday eat Lauren cake.
* I believe this child is slightly disturbed. She proudly read her story to the class. She loves me right?
All of her sentences today were about how Lauren Teacher kills people- it made me late for class, happy, and a variety of other vocabulary words.

I'm going to Lauren Teacher's house. I will be with Lauren Teacher. I would you Lauren Teacher and me game. I would get you rocket. I would eat steak and orange juice. I would buy something shopping Lauren Teacher dresses. Weather is very sunny. The end.
* Apparently the best weekend ever is going to my house-I got two other essays along this line.

I"m going to hell the hell lion and me! Play and see zombie. Building down, go to hell. Meat and water and salt. Hell lion dolls. Weather is very rainy.
*I've heard several stories about this hell lion and a hell rabbit. In today's sentences, I was excited because all of the hell animals did a circus for me. Why am I in hell?

Of course there were plenty of "normal" essays about going to an amusement park or museum. Totally not creative :) One student said they wanted to buy a pencil (WHOA, dream big!). These were the ones that made me smile. Hope they amused you too!

                               

Here we go again

Day 1 – Saturday, 9/8/2012

We made it! I am back…where I started from a year and a half ago.  Literally. I’m floor crashing in a former co-teacher’s apartment-2 floors above my old place. Good thing: I know where I am, where to find food, coffee, and necessary supplies. Good start. I’m crashing here to help out my boss who is also my friend’s mother. They paid more for an animal friendly flight so my little buddy Lucifer could once again travel the world with me so I’m staying on a floor for the training week instead of a love motel. Thank you to Ms. Brittany for your gracious hospitality.   Another good point-Brittany is out of town for the weekend. Good for her since I arrived at 7:30 this morning and good for me cuz I can relax and adapt a bit.  

So Boss and son dropped me and my boxes off here. I have the weekend to myself to adapt. I report Monday at 1:00 PM!!!!  OMG Afternoon start!! And that’s going in early?! We shall see on Monday if this is the norm. I was under the impression that I’d have morning Kindy classes…maybe not!

First thing that happens is Lu throws a fit in his carrier demanding to be let out. And got himself all excited that upon opening the door he proceeded to pee on Brittany’s floor (another good thing she isn’t here) Poor little buddy held his bladder the whole 20+ hours! He had multiple potty pads in his carrier but I can’t blame him for not wanting to travel in his own waste. So yeah, he pee’d for about 2-3 solid minutes-no exaggeration.

After cleaning that up I decide to shower. Korea wins lesson #1. Cold shower- you have to turn the water heater on in advance and turn it back off when finished. Amazing eco-friendly design! I forgot. And by the time I realized that the water wasn’t going to heat up, I was already committed to the shower AND I feel a bit creepy walking into someone else’s apt naked. Even if I am alone.

Intro to Korea wins: It’s a fun little running game that started last year. Korea and I have a love/hate relationship. Just as things are going nicely, it sneaks up and reminds me “BAM- you’re in a foreign country- don’t get too comfy and think you belong here!” Its little things like taking a cold shower because I forgot to turn on the heater. Or buying a shirt and getting home to find out that looks are deceiving and No, it doesn’t fit. Or buying toothpaste…mint flavor yeah that’s normal…nope. Green tea or I swear I bought leaf flavored once. No joke it tasted like grass.  So that is Korea wins. Every once in a while I succeed at something and get a point, but I never take the lead.

I had dinner with a friend tonight. The city is grossly hot and humid, but at least here was a little breeze. Ate barbecue- samgyepsol  and soju J

Day 2 Sunday

Woke up on my own at 8AM, cuddled with Lu for a bit then Skyped. Researched a little for groups to join/events/volunteering to start with next week. I’m going to TRY to be more social this year. Brunch was tuna out of the can and crackers. Since I’m not in my own place yet I figured simple is best.  Also, you can’t really eat at a restaurant alone in Korea. It just isn’t done so unless you have a buddy, you’re eating at home.  

Lunch appointment at 2:00 with Ashley, who messaged that she couldn’t make it until 3:00…and then was an hour late anyway- welcome back to Korean time. So lunch at 4:00 then went to see the Bourne movie. I spent $50 on beauty products- Korean body care is a terrible addiction!  Happened to meet Brittany in the subway station on the way home, sat and chatted with her and another teacher at my old place of employment- it wasn’t a dream- all of the people there are miserable. It’s sad to see and terrible to remember how that place just beats a person down.   Hoping and praying that this year’s school is better!!!!!!!!!

Day 3

Monday morning, up again at 8:00. Really up at 6:00ish but forced myself to rest. CAN NOT BE JET-LAGGED TODAY!   I start my new job today!   Its raining again. 3 days in a row now. Really regretting not packing my rain boots. Walked  10 minutes down to the coffee shop for some caffeine and found a bagel! Yay.  

SWEEEET! Just reserved a whole bunch of kitchen stuff including a hot pot and coffee maker for only 40,000 won! A little under  $40! Awesome deal thanks to early morning freedom with coffee J Yay KoreaBridge Classifieds.

1^st day of work= all of my worries relieved. Monday/Wednesday 2:30-6:30, Tuesday/Thursday 2:30-7:30, Friday 1:30-7:30.  Two months a year will be intensives and I’ll be working 9AM – 7:30 PM.  Such a breeze compared to my last schedule. The kids are good and the facility is nice. Today was a GREAT day.

Day 4 Tuesday. 

Woke up and went out with the goal of going to HomePlus which is the store that the current teacher at the school says is closest to our apartment. I thought I would go check out their cat food options and such. Fail. It wasn’t open for another hour. Boooo reverse jet-lag!  So instead I walked back along the river path and tried to relax and enjoy the beautiful weather.

A little nervous about work today. Tuesday/Thursday classes are a bit older than Monday/Wednesday classes and last year I had some pretty bad experiences with the 5^th-middle school age group. 

It turned out to be not too bad. Yep, kids are kids and 5^th graders are rough. The middle school class was “bored”. Typical. I think I can handle that as long as I stay strict.

Part of my job is to creat games and activities that tie into the lessons. Fun things that the kids can do- it’s part of my job! OMG For anyone who knows about my experiences as a “teacher” or rather English speaking auto-bot from last year, you know how excited I am. I am supposed to ensure that the kids have fun. Really. FUN. Not a word used in Korean schools…..EVER. Ahhhh I love this school.

Also, I saw pictures of my soon to be apartment today which only adds to my excitement! It’s big, and literally fully furnished! I have a couch and chair, a table, a desk and book shelf, a TV….yeah. All of those things.  I am so spoiled and I haven’t really even started this job yet. 

Day 5 Wednesday. 

 It’s becoming routine. Wake up around 7, occupy myself for a while, hour commute to work via bus, then “home” again after.  

Today the kids were super rowdy! Drove me crazy. I know that the current teacher is almost done, therefore just isn’t going to spend the energy to keep the class in order. ..can’t blame her. However, it will be a rude wake-up call when I take over on Monday. Not putting up with that mess.

Cup ramyun and chocolate cake for dinner… it’s time to get into my own place so I can grocery shop!

Day 6 Thursday

I went to the hospital for the health check, which is required to get an Alien Registration Card. It consists of a blood test for STDs, a urine screening for drugs, a chest X-ray, and a basic physical. Worked, then went out with the other teacher for her goodbye dinner. I met foreigners! Her group of friends was really nice and consisted of 2 British, 1 Canadian, 1 Greek, 1 South African, and another American. Wooo for non-Korean friends this year!

Day 7 Friday

An easy day but still tiring. Today was goodbye Jessica day at school so all of the classes ate a snack and played games or watched English children’s TV shows. It was weird actually using class time for this. It made me sad that I was forbidden to inform my students I was leaving last year so it’s nice to see this school continuously being so friendly towards the foreign teacher.

I woke up Friday night feeling miserably sick. The germs got me! I didn’t even make it a week.

Day 8 Saturday

I have officially been back for a whole week! Today I was picked up by the shuttle van driver and taken to my new apartment! WOOOO  Its big and furnished, but quite dirty. I spent the majority of the day cleaning and trying to organize myself.  Jessica’s friends invited me out tonight J I met them for Oktoberfest which sounds ridiculous in Korea but was quite fun. There is a large German and Bulgarian population here and a large foreign population in general. I had fun and actually got to hang out with other foreigners! And I got a cool mustache mug.

Day 9 Sunday

Woke up only slightly hung over and spent the entire day cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. I never left the apartment.

Day 10 Monday.

Typhoon day! I woke up still feeling the effects of my cold and the weather was a mess. I decided I wasn’t going to accomplish anything important so I went back to sleep and was awoken by a call from the Director saying school was cancelled. Of course, quickly after, the projected typhoon calmed down and the weather was windy but fine for the rest of the day on my side of the city. I continued my cleaning and organizing and even ran out for a moment for more supplies.

Tomorrow officially begins my new job.  Here we go for one more year in the Republic of Korea!

By the way, Korea is beating me terribly once again in the game of surviving in a foreign country, but I must say that I’m putting up a fairly good fight this year.  I’ll try to remember to post some of the more amusing defeats.

Little Teacher

Today while doing the daily "what day, month, date, year, weather is it today" warm up stuff in class I witnessed a spot on impression of me teaching. I've been mimicked before by delightful students trying to be funny, but this kid did it unknowingly.
The students have to answer in full sentences and since the weather is an easy one, there's quite a bit of competition to be called on ;)  It has become a game between those who don't get called to mimic the one who does or try to throw them off by saying the wrong answer and hoping they'll say it too. When they answer wrong because of a friend... it takes FOREVER to get them back on task. Oh the simple joys in a child's life. Joey was called on to answer the weather for the day question. Derek whom Joey has decided he doesn't like (this week) was trying to throw Joey off by saying the same thing only louder. Joey hates to be mimicked. So he begins, and as soon as he hears another voice, he pauses... gives my "unhappy teacher stare" and then..... "the point"  as he says
"Derek, NO, it's NOT your turn."
I had to fake a cough to hide my laughter. I know that look, and that voice! OMG he's got it down! Haha  Wait....do I really look like that? No wonder they don't really listen!
Joey then attempts to restart. Derek bends over so you can't see his head, and continues to say the answer also. Joey pauses again, this time he does the "I'm serious" head cock with the look while pointing. As he says "Derek, I know what you're doing, I can hear you!"
 I've gotta find some new moves! These kids have got it down!

What sound does a worm make?

What sound does a worm make?  Yesterday, I learned the answer to that question.

It screams. High-pitched, small child voice screams. At the absolute top of its lungs. Now multiply that times 11, because that’s how many children I inadvertently caused to make such a noise.   

I had a little bit of time to kill in my Kindergarten class. It’s our “fun day” and the schedule says class activities. They kept requesting to  play “The thumb game” which is Heads up 7-up for those of you who may know it….but yeah they only like the game because they refuse to play correctly and it ends up being unrestrained chaos. I try to keep the chaos to a minimum if I can help it. 

Obviously, that doesn’t always happen.

So I went with Simon says….ultimate teacher that I am ;)   I know it’s a great vocabulary exercise for them AND I get to dictate what they do.  

So we go through the usual touch this part, touch that part, jump this many times, turn around, blah, blah, blah. I’m out of ideas. Dangerous; even a second of down time equals running around the room in circles OR even worse, the lets attach ourselves to the teacher’s legs and try to climb up her torso competition.  

Yes, that happens daily.  

And I can see them inching closer to me, vying for the best climbing position.  

Animal noises! Yes, we can do animal noises!  Make the noise of a lion!   Roars erupt.  I get clawed by one sneaky one, not sure who but that really hurt...ok something more tame. Dog! Make the noise of a dog! Yes, no scratching! Success!  Ok, now they’re really loud….and getting closer….danger! What’s something quiet?   ummmmmm   WORM! Make the sound of a worm!  I don’t know where the hell I got worm from but I was hoping for at least some confusion. 

No such luck.

Instantly, I got 11 SCREAMING children.   WTF??!?!   Worms scream??? Really???  How do I make this stop?  No really, make this stop!  WHY ARE THEY SCREAMING?!? 

It was so loud that two other teachers come rushing to make sure everything is ok. The distraction of another teacher entering the room gets a few of them to stop. 

But then they start again. Of course, because their friends are still making the loud noise and it got an awesome response from the teacher!

So, apparently worms scream. As soon as they stopped, I collapsed in a fit of laughter to the point of tears. And the kids get to attach themselves to my legs, arms, and anything else they can grab.   

They win again.   Worms scream. 

Mental note: Never making that mistake again.